Has any of this stuff ever happened to you guys?

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Thread: Has any of this stuff ever happened to you guys?

  1. #1
    Cable4096 Guest

    Default Has any of this stuff ever happened to you guys?

    I think it should go into your humor section. It was sent to me, and made my day. Before I was an ASP Programmer, I worked in IS Tech Support and most of this stuff happened to me! Enjoy!<BR><BR>http://members.tripod.com/Cable4096/isreq.html<BR><BR>Requests from the IS department<BR><BR>1. Don&#039t write anything down. We can play back the error messages from here.<BR><BR>2. When a tech says he&#039s coming right over, go for coffee. It&#039s nothing for us to remember 481 screen saver passwords.<BR><BR>3. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and Popsicle art. We don&#039t have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.<BR><BR>4. Send urgent emails all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.<BR><BR>5. When you call a tech&#039s direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual greeting that says he&#039s out of town for a week, record your message and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You&#039re entitled to common courtesy.<BR><BR>6. When the photocopier doesn&#039t work, call computer support. There&#039s electronics in it.<BR><BR>7. When something&#039s wrong with your home PC, dump it on a tech&#039s chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.<BR><BR>8. When a tech tells you that computer monitors don&#039t have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.<BR><BR>9. When you get a message about insufficient disk space, delete everything in the Windows directory. It&#039s nothing but trouble anyway.<BR><BR>10. When you get a message about a hard disk controller failure, and then you reboot and it looks okay, don&#039t call tech support. We&#039d much rather troubleshoot it when it&#039s dead as a doornail.<BR><BR>11. When you have a tech on the phone walking you through changing a setting, read the paper. We don&#039t actually mean for you to do anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.<BR><BR>12. When a tech tells you that he&#039ll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That&#039ll get us going.<BR><BR>13. When the printer won&#039t print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.<BR><BR>14. When the printer still won&#039t print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the branch. One of them is bound to work.<BR><BR>15. Don&#039t learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy&#039s outta whack".<BR><BR>16. Don&#039t ever thank us. We&#039re getting paid for this.<BR><BR>17. When a tech asks you whether you&#039ve installed any new software on this computer, lie. It&#039s nobody&#039s business what you&#039ve got on your computer.<BR><BR>18. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn&#039t work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.<BR><BR>19. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that "Yes" button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren&#039t sure, you wouldn&#039t be doing it, would you?<BR><BR>20. When you find a tech on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. we don&#039t have any money to speak of anyway.<BR><BR>21. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don&#039t know nothing about that computer crap". We don&#039t mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.<BR><BR>22. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call tech support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a Professional engineer with a master&#039s degree in nuclear physics.<BR><BR>23. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We got lots of disk space on that mail server.<BR><BR>24. When a tech gets on the elevator pushing $15,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?" That&#039s another one that cracks us up to no end.<BR><BR>25. When you bump into a tech at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We don&#039t do weekends.<BR><BR>26. Don&#039t bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature in NT 4.0; they won&#039t be doing anything useful until the next major release.<BR><BR>27. When you can&#039t access some shared directory on your boss&#039s machine, just tell us that you&#039ve lost your X: drive. We know all that crap by heart.<BR><BR>28. If you need to buy a computer for your daughter in college, feel free to pick our brains while we&#039re taking a leak. We&#039re good at talking shop with our Johnson in our hands.<BR><BR>29. We&#039re aware of that problem with computers just sitting there and not doing anything. We&#039re confident that with the next service pack they&#039ll be able to dance the jig.<BR><BR>30. The correct location to store important files is the Recycle Bin. It&#039s just like a real office, where you keep your tax receipts in the blue can under your desk.<BR><BR>31. If you miss Windows 3.1, find the line that goes shell=explorer.exe in your SYSTEM.INI file and replace it with shell=progman.exe. It makes troubleshooting infinitely easier when we ask you whether you have a Start button at the bottom of your screen and you<BR><BR>truthfully answer us that you don&#039t.<BR><BR>32. If you curse every morning when you start to type your password and the Virus Shield splash screen pops up in your face, disable the Virus Shield. Again, this is just like real life: if you don&#039t like condoms, just don&#039t use them, that&#039s all.<BR><BR>33. We don&#039t really believe that you&#039re a bunch of ungrateful twits. It hurts our feelings that you could even think such a thing. We wish to express our deepest gratitude to the hundreds of clueless losers portrayed herein, without which none of this would have been remotely possible.<BR><BR>Originally written by ~ John Kremer ~<BR>

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    2,849

    Default RE: Has any of this stuff ever happened to you guys?

    Thanks for the joke! For all you who are not familiar with 4guys, there is an award - winning humor section to delight any computer / IT nerd! :)<BR><BR>http://www.4GuysFromRolla.com/humor/

  3. #3
    Jason Buck Guest

    Default RE: Has any of this stuff ever happened to you guys?

    Thank you for the humor. I needed it.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    2,849

    Default RE: Has any of this stuff ever happened to you guys?

    If you need more humor, be sure to check out:<BR><BR>http://www.4GuysFromRolla.com/humor/<BR><BR>We&#039ve got oodles of jokes; types of jokes programmers like: computer and sex jokes!! :)


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