Don't Look Doug!

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Thread: Don't Look Doug!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 1969

    Default Don't Look Doug!

    &nbsp;<BR>IF GOD WERE A COMPUTER PROGRAMMER...<BR><BR> Some important theological questions can best be answered by<BR> thinking of God as a computer programmer:<BR><BR> Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?<BR> A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and<BR> candy bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his<BR> girlfriend had left him.<BR><BR> Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?<BR> A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically<BR> and he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise, things<BR> can wait until tomorrow.<BR><BR> Q: How come the Age of Miracles ended?<BR> A: That was the development phase of the project. Now we&#039;re in the<BR> maintenance phase.<BR><BR> Q: Who is Satan?<BR> A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he<BR> actually possesses, so nonprogrammers become scared of him. God<BR> thinks he&#039;s irritating but irrelevant.<BR><BR> Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?<BR> A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.<BR><BR> Q: How can I protect myself from evil?<BR> A: Change your password every month and don&#039;t make it a name, a<BR> common word, or a date like your birthday.<BR><BR> Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?<BR> A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just<BR> get off his back and let him program.<BR><BR> Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?<BR> A: They are much more likely to receive email.<BR><BR> Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?<BR> A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it&#039;s tedious to step through<BR> all those variables.<BR><BR> Q: Does God know everything?<BR> A: He likes to think so, but he is often amazed to find out what goes<BR> on in the overnite job.<BR><BR> Q: Will there be another Universe after the Big Bang?<BR> A: A lot of people are drawing things on the white board, but<BR> personally, God doubts that it will ever be implemented.<BR><BR> Q: What is the role of sinners?<BR> A: Sinners are the people who find new an imaginative ways to mess up<BR> the system when God has made it idiot-proof.<BR><BR> Q: Where will I go after I die?<BR> A: Onto a DAT tape.<BR><BR> Q: Will I be reincarnated?<BR> A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching<BR> those .tar files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you,<BR> God will just say that the tape has been lost.<BR><BR> Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?<BR> A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running<BR> exact duplicates of you in the present release version.<BR><BR> Q: What is the purpose of the universe?<BR> A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then<BR> the users and managers demanded he tack all this senseless stuff onto<BR> it and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.<BR><BR> Q: What is the one true religion?<BR> A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick<BR> the one that best suits your needs and don&#039;t let anyone put you down.<BR><BR> Q: Is God angry that we crucified him?<BR> A: Let&#039;s just say he&#039;s not going to any more meetings if he can help<BR> it, because that last one with the twelve managers and the food<BR> turned out to be murder.<BR><BR> Q: Some people say God is Love.<BR> A: That is not a question. Please restate your query in the form of a<BR> question.<BR>

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 1969

    Default RE: Don't Look Doug!

    Funny stuff, WK.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    San Salvador

    Default Yes!

    Christ is an engineering project, developed by someone in this or another planet, only backing in time to spread a perfect genoma in vitro...<BR><BR>Yes, Is possible to have many Christs, but one God????<BR><BR>He is the father, the son and the holy spirit as in psychology the concience is splited in three parts (adult, son and child)...

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